Unsent letter for u....

Dear u,

I am putting this in writing for when the time is right for u to read it. I am for once going to tell u what the past couples months has been like for me. Nothing held back. Not to hurt u or make u feel bad but b'cos I need u to know how what once seemed so simple to me, 2 people with an amazing connection emotionally and physically cud become so complicated and messed up... and im very sorry...

That night when u got to my room and we just talked and talked, I felt an immediate connection and comfort with u. As if we had known each other for a long time… but had the fun of still getting to know u. I waited for u to kiss me, feeling drawn to u, until u couldn’t wait any more and made a move urself. u were what I considered the perfect kisser, in perfect rhythm with me as if u cud read my mind, and so sexy...That night was amazing, I really noticed how well we fit together, perfectly, and how good u felt inside me. u made me orgasm with no effort, just b'cos of how we fit together and how connected I felt to u. Something I had never experienced or even come close to before....

I know that u think by breaking up with you that i thought those almost 6 months with u was nothing... u are wrong, i regret it but i know u wud never take me back. i find myself constantly looking for u when im out around the places we used to hang. thinking i see u when a Harrier drives by just because that was the car u wud always pick me up in. i thought we had a future together. u said that u wud take me to care of me while im dying and i still want to believe that u wud take me back. that we cud pick up where we left off...

I loved u, u don’t speak to me anymore, and every time I hear your name i want to cry... u loved me so much that time, asking me out every single week but I turned u down over and over. I was afraid,
b'cos I loved u too much.... Now I have nothing...

u are the first guy I ever cried over and the worst part is u won’t be the last...I’d do anything to be near u. I miss u like hell, like part of me is missing. I miss seeing u, I miss hearing u speak, I miss believing u cud save me. I can’t breathe when I think that u’re leaving, that this is the last time I’ll ever see u. I can’t even get myself to ask u to keep in contact, I can’t even get myself to tell u how I feel. If I close my eyes all I see is ur face smiling at me..

When u told me that u loved me it was the happiest I have been in a long time. I cant really describe the feelings i had, but how can u describe love anyway? I was so scared and happy at the same time, I didn’t know thats possible... what if i’m not good enough for u? I’m not a great person, and u are so amazing in my eyes... u are everything I want...

i don’t know why the most stressful thing i have to deal with every day without u is missing you. i don’t know why u’re in my dream every night. i don’t know why every time u leave my room, i bury my head in the pillow u slept on to sniff every last scent u leave.i don’t know why i keep every artifact from our outings together. i don’t know why u make me smile every moment i see u. i don’t know why every type of kiss makes me feel all the same....

i still love u and miss u terribly. u were my first Real love and even though oneday i have a new boyfriend, he cud never replace u.... Please don’t leave me. I need u more than I need air but I guess ur early decision is something u have no control over. Just don’t forget me, okay? I loved u... I will do my best to give my heart to someone new, but I now realize that I have to accept that there won’t be another u and me. That happens once in a lifetime and I am glad it happened with u...

I hope to see u again one day. So I can show u what u have meant to me throughout the pastcouples months of my life. I know u have forgiven me, but one day I hope u will be able to look me in the eyes and not see the man that broke ur heart several months ago. I hope u see me as who I am today and that u’ll be able to hold me for a second. I remember that last car ride with u. I remember crying so hard that my chest felt like it wud explode. I remember missing u like I had never before. I remember all the tender moments we shared. It doesn’t hurt to think bout them, b'cos I see them as the happy moments of my life...

I’m not sure why I’m telling u all of this. I just want u to know that u will forever remain a huge part of my life... u’re the man that saved me. It took me to realize this, but I have and u need to know that. One day it will all make sense and we will smile at each other b'cos we share a secret that no one else will ever know or understand...

And I love u for that. I love u for being who u are. I love u for loving me. I love u for writing a love story with me that was a million times better than anything cud have written. B'cos ours was real and it cud never really fade....

u will never read this, I know u won’t. I just thought I should spill my heart out somewhere before I explode in silence. I believe in u and ur ability and know u will be okay in the future. My heart just aches inside knowing that ur future doesn’t have me in it, that u’ll find someone someday who will love u more than I do and start a life with him. I might move on someday, in fact I will probably move on and forget that I ever loved u this much or that my heart ever hurt this much but until then all I know is that u are the one who got away. I let u go, I let u walk out of my life and I didn’t say one thing. u just walked awa and there’s nothing I culd’ve said to have made u stay. How is this happening to me? I never knew it cud hurt so much. I’ve never hurt this much over love before. I miss u like hell. Please, look in ur heart, I know u love me too. Tell me u do....

u’ll be in my heart forever. I can’t close my eyes without seeing ur smile, can’t close my eyes, can’t sleep, can’t daydream b'cos it’s all bout u, every damn thing, it all leads back to ur stupid face. I hate u so much b'cos u don’t feel the same way. I hate u for leaving and I hate u for not answering me. i ruined everything we had between us. I love u, honestly, truthfully, whole heartedly. I love u and that’s all I have left to say... u will forever be the one who showed me what an amazing connection is like. I will never be able to forget u Thank u for inspiring me to be better...

u were the one mistake that I let myself make....

Good luck sweetheart...i missed u so badly...
DA