Believe in love again

Here, I am thinking of how much my life has changed since last year. Reading back in my blog, I can really see that I’m not longer the same person as before. My trip to Bali a few months ago helped me on my journey to find myself, and to accept the past as part of me and a thing I can't change anymore.  I can really feel I have changed inside... I grew up this year, accepted things from the past I thought I wud never be able to. The month I was travelling around Bali to meet a lot of interesting people that were able to help me reflect and change the way I saw certain things in my life.

I was finally able to open up my heart again and forgive.  With that, I was able to love again... And when I least expected it, I found love.  It sounds tacky, but I guess u need to be in peace with urself to be able to give ur heart away. In Bali, I was finally able to mend the broken pieces. It was hard in the beginning to accept the changes, but at one point I felt I was finally ready to trust someone again. I guess, I’m finally able to love a person again. It showed me that there is always hope and that as long as u don’t give up and keep dreaming, everything is possible. I had to travel to be able to reflect and find the real me, but it was worth it. People say I’ve changed now I’m back in Jakarta, but in fact it is the other way around the other, old me they knew before wasn’t real. I was just hiding from myself in the past, trying to make others believe I was happy with my life as it was. But I don’t longer feel the need to hide anymore. I guess I grew up during the last few months in a way some people won’t understand, since the change has been quite big. But people who really care about me will at one point. And that will be my goal for the next year to keep investing my energy into those I love and really care about me. And especially that one person that helped me believe in love again…

DA

I love you

If only I cud have come up with the right words to describe the depth of this beautiful feeling that I have for you, I wud have whispered them to u the first time we met. The best thing that I can do is to show u now... U are the best thing that ever happened to me. I never thought that someone like me cud get so lucky!... I love you more and more each day and that is the most wonderful feeling any man can ever hope to experience....

Love

Dre

i know....

I know that so far I have not been doing to well. Losing u has been far, far, far harder than anything I cud have ever imagined. Unexpected devistation is the only way to explain it. I cry a lot, I wait a lot and I miss u immensely. How cud I not? In such a short time, u became my everything... I loved you with all of my heart and soul... Despite all of the immense pain, I still firmly believe that it is better to have love and lost, than never to have loved at all... It is still hard to imagine life without u, and I still wonder how I can possibly survive without u... I know that I will, but I also know that it will be the most demanding challenge of my life... I will succeed, b'cos this is what I want, and it is what u wish for me. I am determined not to disappoint u.... 

Hug

Dre

Consumed by many greatest emotions...

Losing u has left an enourmous hole. Every day I try to fill it my broken soul... Before I met u, I was happy. I did not believe in "love at first sight" or any of those "stupid" love songs that talked about love. Then I met u! Suddenly I was deleriously so very happy. I was consumed by many

greatest emotions...then i realise that my emotions will totally overwhelm my logical thoughts... DA

I wud not get the chance to see you anymore....

I trusted u implicitly, and u always told me that u "trusted me, and more!"... u were the first person that I showed the 'real' me to, and u appreciated me for me. In the short time we were together, u found out more about me than I had ever let anyone else know. We shared and so much, yet there was still so much to learn... I knew so much about u, and then again, so little. I always assumed that we had so much time... So much I knew, yet so much I wanted to learn. Our love was a secret, and I was happy enough to keep that secret while we tried to sort out the incredible "mess" that we had got ourselves into. I was also happy to wait until circumstances were better... A couple of years in a lifetime meant nothing. I never knew that 'time' was the one thing we did not have... but, I thought that

when u left...

When u left, I broke ur trust and told people about us. I'm sorry, I had to.... I absolutely know how much ur privacy meant to u, but I had to... It was the only way for me to survive. In love, keeping our secret was easy. In death, the pain of loss is so intense that I cud not go through this alone. I trust that u understand... If u were here, I wud talk to u... u always gave me the best advice and support my soul. I don't know how u did it, but u always knew what was best for me... DA

Cinta

Terkadang aku sudah tak mampu lagi untuk menghadapi sesuatu yang kusebut cinta. terkadang aku sakit karna cinta dan sering terluka bahkan terhina karena sebuah kata cinta. Terkadang Cinta hanya membuatku mengeluarkan air mata dan karena sebuah rasa cinta aku hanya bisa menerima dengan lapan dada. Segala rasa sayangku, pengorbananku, kesetianku hingga rasa hormatku tak akan pernah berarti untukmu.. walaupun kini cinta tak berpihak padaku tapi aku tetap berdiri tegap menghadapi pahitnya rasa dan aku siap terluka oleh cinta... DA